Pain can take many forms. As a pretty concrete person, when I hear pain, I first think about physical pain. Since I live with chronic pain, I’m well acquainted with this kind of pain. However, I’m also acquainted with psychological and emotional pain, not just as a woman living with terminal cancer, but also as […]
I was really looking forward to a long, relaxing Christmas holiday. Christmas 2019 was not emotional calm because of my breast cancer. But what happened Christmas 2020? I was diagnosed benign paroxysmal positional vertigo – BPPV. Why me and why now?
Symptoms and diagnosis
The vertigo struck me like lighting one morning. I should just change my position, but all of a sudden I felt like running all the fastest carousels of the world. In addition I felt terribly nauseous and gradually I developed a headache. Just like that. I could not read the newspaper, watch television or listen to my audio books. It took approximately 15 minutes before I felt better. Luckily, I had an appointment with my physiotherapist the same day, because I have been struggling with my back for a long period of time. But it was not a pleasant appointment to say it nicely.
At the physiotherapists office
We made som exercises to provoke several vertigo attacks to get the otoconia in place. It is more a maneuver than an exercise, called Dix hall. At the same time the physiotherapist observed my eyes for nystagmus. But during the maneuver I became gradually better, so I could finally relax. No doubt the diagnose was crystal clear, so I could let go of all my worst case thoughts.
My physiotherapist was at least optimistic on my behalf, because he meant that I would just need 3-4 appointments repeating the Dix hall maneuver. A friend of mine almost did not leave her bedroom for six months, so I have been lucky. I have just been a bit dizzy in some mornings and nothing like the first BPPV attack. In addition I have done some exercises at home, but have had no dizziness or nystagmus after my last appointment.
The comfort is that BPPV is not something I would die of, even though I was really anxious at first. Who would not be? It is rather normal, but BPPV is not a pleasant acquaintance. Let´s hope for a happy Christmas 2021…
I begin and end with hope. Born, we hope to live a long life. We haven’t a clue as to the concept of “not being” yet. It’s hard not to think about the concept of no longer breathing: rising to the sweet smell of ion charged air after a spring rain. The concept of seasons […]
At the onset of the coronavirus pandemic, there were high hopes that hot summer temperatures could reduce its spread. Although summer didn’t bring widespread relief, the connection between the weather and COVID-19 continues to be a hot topic. The link between weather and COVID-19 is complicated. Weather influences the environment in which the coronavirus must […]
Jeg trenger ikke å fortelle deg viktigheten av Pinktober, som er en påminnelse om å sjekke brystene dine, og vær så snill å gjøre det. Men hvis Pinktober er grunnen til at du undersøker brystet ditt minst en gang i året, er det bedre enn aldri, og jeg vil si at Pinktober har oppnådd noe.
Det er noen anbefalinger om hvordan du sjekker brystene dine.
Ikke en kreftreise
Jeg gjorde selvundersøkelsen med jevne mellomrom, men kunne ikke føle noe mistenkelig om jeg lå eller sto. Så jeg ble sjokkert da jeg bøyde meg fremover og så tilbaketrekningen i huden min. Verden min falt helt fra hverandre. Jeg visste bare med en gang hva det var, men likevel håpet jeg at det ikke var noe. På grunn av min sjokkerende opplevelse har jeg skrevet noen innlegg om kreften min. Det har fullstendig okkupert livet mitt, og det har ikke vært en reise. Det var et mareritt, et levende krefthelvete.
Flere mennesker lider
Moren min er 80 og hennes første reaksjon på meg da jeg fortalte henne var: Å nei! Er det slik det skal ende? Min eldste sønn gråt og min yngste sønn med ADHD og Tourettes syndrom ble enda mer hyperaktiv og hadde mer tics. Han var den jeg var mest opptatt av.
Min svigermor feiret julen 2019 sammen med meg og min familie. Hun kunne ikke forstå hvordan jeg kunne være så rolig i ferien. Men jeg sa til henne at jeg måtte være sterk for barna mine. På grunn av besøket hennes ble jeg på en måte tvunget til å tenke på andre ting enn kreften min. Jeg ønsket å lage en perfekt jul, som om det var min siste. Men jeg ble overveldet av følelser om nettene og kunne ikke sove.
Betydningen av Pinktober
Så vær så snill å be familiemedlemmene og vennene dine om å undersøke brystene, til og med menn. Noen få prosent av mennene får brystkreft hvert år også. Undersøkelsen tar ikke lang tid, og det er en investering i deg selv, hos mennesker du bryr deg om og elsker. Å bli diagnostisert så tidlig som mulig er så viktig, og prognosen din er god hvis du er i et tidlig stadium. Hvis det oppdages veldig tidlig, har du kanskje ikke annen behandling enn operasjonen, og bivirkningene er mindre.
My previous post was pretty anxious and depressive. I wrote Trying to escape my cancer thoughts. To sum it up I was really shaken after Kate Preston`s death, and I spent most of my time running away from my feelings. I was grieving in a way even though I didn’t know her. My walking was in the beginning rather obsessive. But I decided to continue with what has become a daily habit. To make my activities even more interesting I decided to invest in a Fitbit watch. To be honest it is super motivational and helps me proceed my work for a better health.
Fitbit charge 4 watch
I decided to subscribe for a Fitbit premium membership. It is rather expensive and it costs me kr 799 or approximately $ 80. But the membership is free until September, so I have time to decide whether I am going to continue my membership or not. The Fitbit watch comes with a tiny instruction book and a charger, and the set up is rather intuitive. You need a smart phone with Bluetooth and the app need access to your location, because it is tracking your activities by using GPS. Because of this you may have to charge your phone often.
The Fitbit premium app
The app is really easy to use. The syncing between the watch and the phone seems to be automatic when the watch and the phone are close to each other. But you can easily swipe your phone when you are visiting the app and the syncing will start.
The app is very easy to use. You can choose between different premium features like health and fitness stats, guided programs, challenges and adventures, workouts and last but not least mindfulness. Your chosen health and fitness stats will be shown at the watch.
At this early stage I am following the health and fitness stats. My watch tracks steps, pulse, REM sleep, hour slept, heart rates zones, burned calories and kilometers. The only thing you must manually log is the water and food you consume during the day. But that is totally up to you.
If you want to socialize with other Fitbit users, the app comes with a “community”. It reminds me a bit about Twitter.You can write and get private messages, and you can publish public messages.
The Fitbit watch
I struggled a bit with the watch in the beginning until I learnt how to swipe the screen. I often forget to log the type of exercise I am doing. It doesn’t really matter, because it seems like the watch discover whether I am walking briskly or running, when I am in fat burn or cardio modus or not. You can choose between exercises like run, bike, swim, treadmill, outdoor workout and walk. When you “tell” your watch what you want to do, it will vibrate one time for fat burn, two times for cardio and three times for peak. You can turn these vibrations off if you like, because these vibrations use a lot of power and you have to charge your watch often. The vibrations can be turned off at the watch. In addition can you easily connect to Spotify.
My super motivational Fitbit watch
I needed a change in my life and I wanted to become healthier. My main goal is to prevent a breast cancer recurrence and my daily goal is to walk minimum 10 000 steps. Since I started to use the watch the anxiety and the depression are not that overwhelming, and I actually sleep better at nights. The anxiety and depression are still there, but easier in a way. I am often using the mindfulness feature to calm down, and I don`t struggle with fatigue in the same way as I used to. But that is simply because I have become more aware of my activities, nutrition and my water intake. And in addition I have discovered the nature and been to places I have never been before, even though I have lived in this town for over two decades. So thanks to my super motivational Fitbit watch!
I am very sad to day. I woke up this morning full of plans for the day. After scrolling the newspapers on the Internet I discovered that Kelly Preston is diseased after a two years struggle against breast cancer. I met my own fear with anxiety and I could not sit still. All my plans were changed. Instead I have been trying to escape my cancer thoughts with a very long walk.
I took a walk for about 10 km with an audio book to disturb my thoughts. But it failed, of course. I dont even remember the content of the chapter I was listening to. While I was walking my mother rang. She had also become very nervous on my behalf, because she had read about Kelly Preston too. What did I do then? Well, I tried to comfort her with the facts that my lump is out and that the oncologist told me I had an early stage breast cancer and so on. My mother calmed down, but my anxiety raised to a peak I havent felt for a long time. No one was there to comfort me. After my conversation I walked even faster yet again trying to escape my cancer thoughts. I get the same feelings when people ask me how I am doing, and I say I am doing fine. It is just like they dont believe me. I just feel it. People forget that my breast cancer is not someone elses breast cancer. Each and everyone is treated differently.
The anxiety equalizer
Back home I found my writings, some notes I made after my meetings with the oncologists. These words are gold to me and my only comfort. But it takes a while to find this comfort and the calm to ease off the anxiety. During the day I know my writings will. Even though I did not know Kelly Preston, her death had a huge impact on my day. It feels like I am in family or related to anyone who struggles with the disease, or have died of it. In a way that comforts me too. We are many and more to come, unfortunately. We can comfort each other, while each of us comfort our family.
To be honest, I have never felt so lonely before. I guess I can say I am so lonely as I can be. Especially after I got the cancer diagnose. I can’t talk about cancer all the time, but my thoughts are stuck with this horrible word and disease. The Corona pandemic has not made it any easier, because I could not meet up with anyone. My loneliness is worst at daytime when I am alone at home and at bedtime. Every negative thoughts you can think of are sneaking up on me, and I can’t get them out of my head.
How to handle my loneliness?
I know what to do, but I cant find any relaxation in audio books, knitting, mindfulness, reading and stormy weather recordings on Spotify. But the audio books somehow fill the emptiness and the lack of people around me. At daytime when I am not exercising I watch Netflix, Investigation discovery and the News and in the background the radio is on. I just cant handle the quietness.
I occasionally meet friends. But they are busy working and got their own family. Now and then I get greetings from people I once knew. Just that makes me sick. Where have they been? Why haven`t they been contacting me before. I have actually tried to reach them but with no response.
I don’t talk about my cancer if people don’t ask. And if they are, I want to make my story as short as possible. I just need people around me.The scar on my breast is reminding me everyday what I have been going through, so I don’t need to talk about the lonesome cancer disease. I have experienced people turn when they see me or just pretend they haven`t seen me.
Work could be a solution to my loneliness but it is not an issue for me now, even though I need it. I struggle with fatigue and a burn out.
When I am having a sunny day, I keep telling myself that I am healthy and free from cancer. This is what I tell family and friends even though I got my doubts. But the tumor is out and the prognosis are good. I have had my radio therapy which is also curable. But I will have to take Letrozol to kick estrogen out of my body for five years. The Letrozol got side effects like depression and hot flushes. But loneliness may also cause the depression. So it is hard to tell what is what. The hot flushes come and go. A typical bed side scenario is me tired as I can be and I think the sleep comes instantly. But a little devil is turning the switch on just when I am about to close my eyes and I am bathing in sweat. These hot flushes can be very annoying, but they got a welcoming purpose.
As long as don`t know anyone who is in same situation as me or want to lend me their ear I am just so lonely as I can be. So I have invested in a Fitbit smart band and started to exercise. Maybe that is the solution and the way out of the depression and my isolation?
Yesterday I read an interview by a scientist from Norway named Håvard Søiland. He and his scientist team have given me hope for the future and some good breast cancer news. Before I reveal what these good news are all about, I have to tell you a little bit about Søiland. He is born and raised in Norway. He was 11 years old when he lost his mother to cancer. Later on he also lost two sisters to breast cancer. But that was not it. He found that he was carrying the breast cancer gene, BRCA1, which his daughter has sadly enough inherited. Because of all these sad incidents, Søiland is now very dedicated to breast cancer. He is an educated bio engineer and professor in breast and endocrine surgery.
Every year about 3500 women in Norway get breast cancer. Recurrence may come up to 20 years after. Today the recurrence will be discovered as symptoms or during mammography.To make the story short, Håvard Søiland and his scientist team have discovered how to predict breast cancer recurrence almost a year before the traditional examinations like mammography.
When the cancer cells grow, some of them will die.The DNA-proteins will then leak into the blood. It means that the recurrence can be discovered in a blood test. The aim is to detect these proteins and you can start your chemo therapy or the therapy you need much earlier.
I hope this method will be a diagnostic test in the future. The problem is that breast cancer is not only one disease. The scientists need a battery of specific markers in the blood to offer or produce a specific test. It may take ten years or longer. Until then we have to trust the diagnostic tools we already got. But still, this are really good breast cancer news.
Treatments to prevent recurrence of breast cancer is individual these days. Back in the early 90`s the treatment seemed to be more equal for anyone with breast cancer: Surgery, chemo- and radiotherapy. If I knew back then, what I know today I hopefully would be a very capable nurse. Todays topic is Self-care during radiotherapy. It is just some advice from me as a nurse, friend and cancer patient, and my post tries to give you an insight in some of the short termed side effects of radiotherapy. I guess these advices are universally with some local adjustment, but I hope you will get proper information from your therapists before your treatment.
The radiotherapy stops the growth of the cancer cells, or kill them. The therapy will also have an impact on healthy cells, but they will gradually recover. It is very common to become tired, because your body is trying to get rid of the waste that is produced during the radiotherapy. I can`t stress this enough, to get rid of the waste it is so important to drink 1.5-2 L of water everyday. This is good self-care during radiotherapy.
It is also important to do something that gives you energy. A daily walk helped me to avoid the sofa, along with some of my hobby projects.
I know that it is easier said than done. But if you can reduce the amount of cigarettes to a minimum that would benefit you. Smoking reduce the oxygen saturation in the cells, and cells with little oxygen react poorer to the radiation. You may put a daily walk into your schedule to increase the blood circulation. In the long term this would strengthens your immune system.
The skin may become red, itchy and sore. Some develop radiation dermatitis and ulcer. To prevent these problems you can cool the breast off after each treatment. Just wring a cloth in cold, clean water and lay the cloth over the breast. Afterwards you can let the breast air-dry, before you apply a water based moisturizer without any perfume. Note that it is not recommended to use a moisturizer right before the radiation on the treatment day. Some companies make very good moisturizers meant for people with dermatological problems, also the radiated skin. I would recommend products made by La Roche-Posay, but I assume you will find good products from other merchants too.
If your armpit needs radiation, don`t shave the armpit and use roll on or perfume. The hair will protect the skin.
If you experience skinless areas, you should not apply a moisturizer, because the skin will become even more irritated and itchy.
You can take your shower. My hospital used a skin marker to mark the radiation field, but it bleached or almost disappeared during my showering. They constantly had to do the remarking, but I didn`t like that. The therapist came far to close to me, and with the threats of Covid19 I decided not to shower that often as I wanted. Anyway, use a shower soap without perfume and which is pH neutral. It is also important to use lukewarm water and low pressure. I would advice you not to towel your skin. Just gentle pat the skin dry or even better, air-dry before you put a water-based moisturizer on.
Personally I didn`t have a bath in the bathing tub or a swimming pool during my treatment period. Chloride makes your skin dry and itchy, and the water in the bathing tub will become polluted.
If you are having a sun bath, you have to protect the skin, for at least a year. The skin gets easily sore and sun burned, and may get pigmentation. Use colorful clothes and a high sun factor 30 to protect your skin.
To prevent a sore skin is to use clothes made of cotton or silk. I preferred cotton, because it is easier to get than silk. Rubbing will make your skin even worse. I experienced that it was unpractical to use a bra during the therapy, and it can be smart to let the air in to the breast.
If you in addition, get radiotherapy to the lymph nodes to the neck and the radiation field includes trachea, the mucosa tissue may become dry and sore. You may therefore experience dysphagia. My self-care tips for you are to avoid hot foods and drinks, spicy and sour food. You may need painkillers to ease off the pain. If you are having problems to eat I suggest you talk to the radio therapist.
During my therapy I experienced that I could not stretch my arm properly. When I should place kitchen ware in my cupboards, I had to stand on my toes to reach the shelf. My solution was actually to exercise every day. After a few days these problems was not a issue to me anymore. I have mentioned it before, but it is very important to get out of the chair and sofa and do something that gives you energy, no matter what. This is good psychological self-care during radiotherapy.
I hope you can use some of my advice for your self-care during radiotherapy. It is actually rather important to continue being kind to your self.
Please understand that all patients are different, with different constitutions, different kinds of cancers and some of us were even diagnosed at stage IV. And not because we are negligent in getting our mammogram, but because we have such dense breast tissue.
In this very moment many people are fighting for their lives while I am living in a calm corner of the pandemic world, for now. Just 33 people among a population of approximately 50 000 have tested positive, and all 33 are declared healthy and out of isolation. No one in my town have died yet. But we are all living in an experiment and we don`t now the outcome yet. Some diseases put you at risk and the Covid19 disease and cancer may be a serious combination.
Covid19 and cancer
Chemo therapy makes you more vulnerable for any infections. Even for common infections like a cold. These viruses have your body been fighting many times. During a chemo therapy your immune system would have problem fighting these viruses, because the number of leukocytes are very low. Chemo therapy is on the list of risks that may give you serious symptoms of Covid19. No one has met the corona virus causing the Covid19 disease before. So meeting this virus can be devastating even for people who don`t have any underlying diseases.
Radiotherapy is also on the list of treatments that may give you a serious Covid19 disease. Radiation stops the mitosis of the cancer cells or kill them, but it also paralyze the healthy cells for a short period of time. Since the corona virus is an airway virus I assume the doctors are talking about radiation to the chest, neck, face and so on when it comes to developing serious symptoms, because the air have to pass by these body parts down to the lungs. When the radiation paralyze the healthy cells your body may be invaded by the virus.
I got some links for you about the Covid19 disease and cancer at the end of my post if you want to read more about it.
I have had radiation to the chest, because of my breast cancer. But I had to breathe in a specific way called coaching to minimize radiation to my lungs. To describe the method I will say it is like breathing in on command. Instead of lifting my stomach I had to lift the chest during respiration. I had to hold the breath until the radiotherapist told me to breath normally. But even though my radiotherapy is finished the radiation will keep on working for several weeks.
I see myself in the risk group, but my doctor disagree. I mean that since I have had cancer, my immune system must have been out of order. I also got an auto immune disease and have to take tablets for it everyday. So I don`t trust my doctor and I will take no risks and rather stay safe. I have changed my lifestyle to support my immune system like no alcohol, more fruits and vegetables, more fish, at least 10 000 steps a day and enough sleep to mention some measurements.
The uncertainty and fear for life caused panic attacks, and I truly believed that I never would see my youngest son grow up. I even woke up at nights with panic attacks and found myself standing on the floor. I had written down most of what my oncologist had told me, but during my panic attacks I could not find any comfort in my writing. In the end I had to ask my doctor for a prescription on Oxazepam, at least to get some sleep. But I also found that the medicine also helped me to pull myself together and think rational.
I never thought I would reach the end of my seven weeks of radiation because of the pandemic. But I made it. I voluntarily isolated myself to prevent any diseases, because that would have put me in a 14 day of quarantine.
Corona and anxiety
When Corona invaded the world I forgot all about the cancer. My anxiety was now caused by this virus. The difference now is as I feel it, I am not “alone” in the world with this overwhelming feeling. These days I think everyone knows what anxiety feels like……….
Cancer rehabilitation and side effects
After my radio therapy I was supposed to take care of myself. I planned to have long walks, visit friends and my mother, relax in our cottage and train. But corona put an end to all of my plans.
I have to use half of my days to be a (non pedagogic) teacher for my son. It doesn’t help him very much when his so called teacher is struggling with side effects like fatigue and concentration issues. The cure for these side effects is to drink a lot of water, a walk outdoor and a hobby or an activity that gives you energy.
I got mixed emotions when the schools in Norway are opening for my son this weeks. Some say children are less likely to become very ill of Covid19. Other children have died of the virus and some have developed the Kawasaki syndrome. So I don`t no what to believe or think anymore. I guess I will keep my son at home, because the Covid19 disease and cancer make me scared.
Hygiene and preventing Covid 19
For the future, at least until we got a vaccine, I guess I will continue to isolate myself, keep distance to other people and try to maintain good hand-, cough-, and sneeze hygiene. After I have been to the grocery store I also wipes of the packaging of the goods I have bought. You never know who and what other people have done to it.
My breast cancer treatment plan is not really settled. And why is that? The reason is caused by one tiny micro metastasis in one of seven sentinel nodes extirpated during my surgery, and not five as I may have mentioned in a previous post. I was operated BCT with sentinel node January 16 th. My BCT and sentinel node surgery
My surgeon is not conclusive when it comes to chemo therapy. So if it didn’t was for the micro metastasis, 3 weeks of radiation would be enough. In addition I need anti hormones treatment and Zoledronacid (Zometa) every 6 month for five to ten years.
Chemo therapy or not?
First of all, my tumor was 4 cm instead of 2.5 cm as the radiologist told me according to the MRI scan. I was in chock to be honest and really disappointed, and at the same time happy. Since there was only a micro metastasis the cancer has not spread in my body through my lymph system. My blood samples were also fine, so the size of the tumor and the micro metastasis are two reasons to have chemo my surgeon said.
The reason not having chemo is my tumor grade. It was graded as grade 1 which means that it is not so aggressive. At least that is some comfort to me.
A friend of mine told me when she was operated for breast cancer back in 2003, she experienced exactly the same dilemma as me. So when it comes to micro metastasis, nothing much has changed during the years. February 17th I am going to have a meeting with my oncologist. I don’t have much of an option really, because of the insecurity and my fright for a recurrence. I got to have the chemo therapy. How would I dare not to?
My surgeon told me that they are thinking about four rounds of chemo EC90. I will loose my hair, but that doesn’t matter in the long term. So this is what I know for now about my breast cancer treatment plan.
I would love to say happy new year, but instead it is a unhappy New year with breast cancer.
My Christmas was destroyed after I felt a lump in my right breast Sunday December 8. I visited my doctor who was very busy with a fellow doctor and the new data program they had installed in the office. She examined my lump and the axillae and told me she would send me to a mammography. She ended my visit with: “I am not worried about your lump. Do you have Stripe/instant pay?”
After a few days I got the letter from the hospital where I could have my mammography January 9. Oh my God I thought, I can not wait that long. I thought I would be better knowing, but I was wrong. I visited my hospital and begged them for a mammography. My conclusion is no matter what I did would be right, so the Christmas would be destroyed anyway.
My emotions have been a living rollercoaster spiced with hope and fear, sickness, stomach pain, sleeping problems, panic attacks, anxiety and depression. You know the feelings you got when you are having tunnel sights as I call it. In some occasions the tunnel sight is spiced with blue lights. Like the one I normally get when I am about to faint. To reach out for help I was searching around on WordPress and discovered www.cancerbus.com.
So thank you Ilene <3 You saved my Christmas. And now you know why I messed it up.
My tumor was 18 mm on the ultrasound and the surgeon measured it to be approximately 2 cm x 2.5. For me that is a large lump, but not to the surgeon. She called it small and because of that she wants me to have a MRI the January 15. I must say I was relieved. What concerned me more is that I do not know yet how aggressive the cancer is, and whether it likes hormones or not. But I leave that thought for now, and celebrate my surgeons optimism.
My surgery is January 16 and I must say I am looking forward to get the tumor out. Personally I want to get rid of the entire breast, even though my surgeon recommend a breast conservative treatment (BCT). After that we have to wait and see. I guess there will be chemotherapy, but I just have to walk one step at a time. In Norway the prognosis for breast cancer are really good, so I will hold on to that thought too.
I found a lot of help in Ilene Kaminsky’s web site “The cancer bus”. After I wrote to her my feelings calmed down a bit, and my panic attacks were not constantly turned on. At least it felt that way. Ilene tip me about Karin Sieger’s podcast and web site. She is a psychotherapist who will help you with your emotions. We are many out there.
I have written a lot about my hobbies. But after I discovered the tumor I could not find any rest in any of my hobbies like knitting and crocheting, because I start to overthink. So knitting has not been of any help mentally. Hand knitting is mental hygiene The best thing to disturb my thoughts are audiobooks, radio or people.
I will have many ups and downs so I must say it is a really unhappy New year with breast cancer.
Do I have breast cancer? Well, the radiologist seemed pretty sure, but I got to wait to January 2. before I know for certain. Then the team at the Breast diagnosis center will decide what kind og treatment I need. This waiting time is so very long. It feels like an eternity. I keep panicking all the time. What I fear the most is that the tumor should spread to the lymphoid tissue in the mean time, and how and what to tell my children….
First I took the mammography . And after that I went straight to the ultrasound room. I understood something was wrong when the radiologist used the ultrasound in the armpits or the axillae. She did not say anything before she decided to take three ultrasound guided biopsies. Afterwards I found out that they had found an 18 mm tumor on the ultrasound. The surgeon measured it to be 2 x 2.5 cm tumor.
After the mammography, ultrasound and the biopsies I talked with the surgeon. The only thing I know is that there will be a lumpectomy, a breast conservative treatment. When the surgeon told me this I became a little more optimistic. They did not find anything suspicious in the lymphoid tissue in my armpits. But even though I think I will go for a mastectomy. I doubt I will undergo a plastic reconstruction afterwards with more anesthesia and another recovery period. I am feeling to old for that, and I don’t want to be treated with radiation afterwards. That is the prize for doing a breast conservative treatment.
I am now feeling sick and I living in a bubble. The blood has dropped down to my feet and the wall of a dark tunnel is making the world narrow. It is like a rollercoaster of feelings. Every feelings you can think of. What I think of the most is my children, but I guess I should try to leave these thoughts for now. At least try to be positive. I want to give my children the perfect Christmas, so I need to come out of my bubble as quickly as possible. It helps to distract your mind. I try to listen to audiobooks and music, just to distract myself. Knitting and crochet are out of the question at the moment, because then I start to think all these negative thoughts. So right now this is not mental hygiene……
It is always smart to examine the breasts. Some doctors say once a month and others say every second month. The most important thing is that you do. My problem is I don’t remember when I examined mine the last time.
To make my story short I discovered my tumor after I was having my shower. I could not feel any tumor but when I bent over to dry my legs I saw an entrapment in my skin. Then I started to pinch myself. That’s when I felt it and I completely lost it….. Do I have breast cancer? Well, I am pretty sure of it.